I feel all twisted up inside, like someone whose insides have been run through a blender. I am missing something in my life. Something that prevents the slow but inexorable twisting and blending that life is really about. We are all run through the mill. Sometimes we change, we can tell ourselves that we are stronger but there are parts of ourselves that we do not lose. It is hard, when you feel as if you have lost access to those parts of yourself that define you.