Ok so I am exhausted, it is not a crippling kind of exhaustion, it is the exhaustion that comes with the realization that life is just way too disappointing. It is the suck it up and wait to die kind of exhaustion. There are brief moments of happiness but I would wager good money that they are the result of my body trying to remind itself that it is capable of such emotion. Gosh even my body is taken to iniative that I am unable or rather unwilling to muster. Why such a bleak outlook on life? Well, I tried, I fought, and I got what I wanted. I would reckon it is the same feeling as that experienced by freedom fighters who fight for so long for something they want and when they finally get it realize that they have grown accustomed to a life of fighting in the jungles and are now unable to live the life of drugdery that freedom demands of them. So I am not sad nor depressed, I am on the other hand escatic and jubilent but rather tired so bare with me.