I would say the gap between this post and the last is rather amazing. Rather amazing not because of the length of time but because I would even bother updating this after so long.

To the random casual observer, this was just another lame blog, random useless bits of memory clogging the ever expanding sinkhole that is the internet.

The thing is I need someone to talk to and there is not a single person who is capable of listening, so who better the vast millions who might chance upon this site.

So then what is the problem?

The problem is I never thought I would ever have to deal people from my past. My future was suppose to clear of that sticky thing called history. It was suppose to be a fresh beginning.

Not only that I never thought I would compromise so much of my personality, values, principles to attain that eternally sought goal of peace. Now it seems that I don't care and thats not the kind of person I am. I do care but apparently not anymore.

It would seem that my behaivour is like a last gasp one makes before your body is no longer becomes habitable, when your body has changed so dramatically, not even you like yourself. It's part of a last ditch attempt to regain some semblance of who I am as a person.

These battles always carry a cost that reverberates through time. Just as the battlefields have long grown silent and cold, the sounds of battle still echo in the nights. The cost would be a friendship which at this time seems trivial, expendable. Maybe it will be saved, scarred but whole. Maybe it will damaged permanently, needing constant TLC. Maybe I don't care.

What is wrong with me? Can someone please tell me?