Just updating my blog.
People would like to know that I am alive.

My schedule is being driven mad by the prospect of having to take physical chem.
I am tired.
I just want to sleep.
But the prospect of having something to do is keeping me awake.

I am finally here in cornell and I have just finished celebrating my birthday. So I turn 21 today and I had my first legal glass of alcohol in the US. (Not an admission of underage drinking in the US)
Considering the fact that the legal drinking age back home is 18, this would be second time this has happened. So in some ways, certain one-in-a-lifetime moments do happen twice. So do not be discouraged if you think you have missed the boat, it may come around once more. But remember, nobody has said anything about it happening thrice.

On another note, stupid people do stupid things all the time and they get away with it. Now I would like to believe that I am smart and as such only participate in stupid activities once in a while (I am sure even the smartest people like a good joke). The only thing is, why is it that when I am stupid, I get into trouble for it. Why? I don't know but I am guessing someone will tell me.

On the eve of my departure, one would think you would be excited. However, the truth is I am not.

Its now become something you just want to get over with. Survive the 18 hour flight, make it through the immigration and customs and after all that another two hour drive to my sister's place.

The university only comes later, several days later after a brief holiday with my parents

So I continue this series on matriculation at 21.

There are so many things I need to understand that just confuse me. Worse, they confound me. To top it off, they tire me.

But I figure this is the only course left to me. I want to make decisions for myself and to do that one must be well-informed. The source has to be reliable and sometimes, only on rare occasions they need to be shouted at. I am sure HSBC will agree.

If we return to a problem that has never been mentioned. Singaporeans. You ask yourself, "Are they really a problem?" The simple answer is yes and no. The complex answer doesn't exist.

No. Its good to have people around you who can occasionally understand utterances of Singlish, who you can follow during those long journeys to and fro and most of all can help you deal with homesickness.

Yes. Because they have always been a problem, because they exert a form of peer pressure and worst of all because they remind you of home.

This problem is as you will realise getting too much attention. But that's something about impending matriculation. Every little thing gets magnified. You over analyse. I try to draw analogies to weddings. Weddings are a celebration of yourself as part of a marriage, a future family unit. University is a celebration of yourself as an individual, it only really happens once. You need it to be done right.

The good news is that I am increasingly apathetic. I am leaving it to the heavens, to fate, to God. Honestly, who cares if I am missing a pencil, a pillow or even a fully functioning bank account? Who does?

I need to go. If you think some trivial thing has distracted me, well you are almost certainly right but you will never get me to admit that.

I feel like a double post, like as if there is a two headed entity within, each with an opinion that needs to be heard.

This post will focus on what the previous post was meant to (no not the apprehension, frustration and confusion) but rather the lack of enthusiasm.

I want to be more excited about university. It is suppose to be a time of oppurtunity but the more I think about it, the more it seems as if university sounds the death knell of oppurtunity.

When ending my secondary school years, I wanted to go to a school surrounded by my friends because I felt that JC was tough if you had to make friends all over again. For uni, I thought, what the heck, make new friends, have fun and at some point get a degree. It seems at least at first glance that I can't escape my past and I am bringing it along in bucketloads. The promise of a vaguely different life, which is what I need to get myself out of a some precieved rut I have placed myself in, seems too unlikely to believe.

Its hard to explain the rest and I am tired so maybe in a future post.

I am apparently on the cusp of a new future. Some of the excitement that one hears so often off is there but there is also the apprehension. If you were to ask me two years ago if I could do it, I would say yes, I could, but now it is very difficult.

What is worse is that university preparation is tiring. What meal plan you should be on? When you will get your computer? When to buy bed linen? All these things should be easy, but the truth is that when your parents feel that they have say, the conversations you have become downright ridiculous and extremely tiresome.

I went to watch The Simpsons movie. I think I enjoyed it but everyone was laughing and that ruined the atmosphere. The movie struck me as more slapstick than usual. Again I attribute this to incessant laughing. I think I will reserve judgement for a later date.

If at the end of this you are confused, well, thats the point, join the club, come on over, sit down, and pray no one nearby is laughing.