Ok here I am again, I am guessing I have enough posts to make a sort of series, the kind that you would find weekly in your paper, written with the sort of wit you would expect from someone with an actual college degree, ( I am still working towards mine). The only difference being that they seem to be appearing daily and that they are hardly funny. I hope they make you think, even if thinking has become too much of a hassle for you, its ok I have been there, I know exactly how you feel, I hope that it gives you that sort of funny feeling somewhere in your abdominal region, where you conscience used to reside.

So what do I have to say for today. It is this, we get tired from time to time, with the world, with the people we are around, we need a break, a change a scenery, a chance to peek over the wall, where the grass is apparently always green. But the point of all this, the reason for this insanity is that, we are not really meant to stay still. Yes, I know very well that there are people who suffer from chronic diseases due to what is euphemistically termed, a sedentary lifestyle. But the only reason why they can afford to be sedentary is that the large bulk off their soul, their defining characteristic has probably been sucked into non-existence due to marriage to some succubus. With me, I am currently not weighed down by the baggage of a spouse. GOOD FOR ME!.

The most important thing, however, is to realise that this feelings for excitement and change as we cross over the fence and frolic in the midst of the sunlight change, disappear. What we are really looking for is a reminder, a reinforcement of the reason as to why our lives are the way they are. We are all suppose to, after a while, go back, refreshed, eager, excited.

Now I believe that many of you are thinking, what a bull lot of crap. I am not telling you how things happen but rather how they are suppose to happen in an ideal situation. I mean ideally we all brush our teeth twice a day, eat our veges and find true love. But this doesn't actually mean that life works that way. Think about it, if it did, Hollywood would be screwed.

So people, if following your holidays, breaks, visits, you feel a little bit depressed, out of touch, unable to focus on your work, it probably is your fault.

So here I am. Two posts in the period of a day. I am pretty sure this may have only happen previously at most once. My house is quiet, too quiet in fact for me to feel comfortable. So here I am thinking, I am screwed up. I am pretty much exhausted, tired out of my wits. I am experiencing one of the moments when you just which time would just stop, so that you can finally take that deep breath, the one that you need just to reassure yourself that you can. The only consolation is that I know I will get through this, but I wonder if there will be any visible scars.

On a side track, I have realised that I have changed as a person and the thing is I am not sure if I like it. There are days when I wish I could go back to a simpler time, when I believe I was a happier person, when I was not twisted in cruel, unusual ways. So here the challenge is, and I quite clearly believe this. How do we in the midst in the apparent cruelty of the world, remain true to ourselves, how do we even find ourselves? I do not necessarily know the answer. I would like to believe I am a good person.

So here I am writing another blog entry without any hope of any audience. So here are my musings for today, my sudden realization that would suffice for today.

I had the great displeasure to have what could possibly be described as one of the weirdest conversations I have ever had in recent memory. It was friend, it was odd, simply because it assumed certain facts, facts that had never been ascertained, that we had wronged each other and slowly and surely, we were driving a wedge between what probably is a relatively decent friendship. It was rightfully odd.

Now, what does this have to do with this post. We spend a lot of our time celebrating ourselves, our individuality, the defining characteristics that make us who we are. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact there are many people out there who are still in denial about themselves, ashamed even.

The problem arises when we expect people to accept these things about us in an almost militant fashion. It is almost a case of you have to accept me for who I am right now, and if the answer I get is unsatisfactory, screw you (there might even be a finger waved menacingly in a direction).

The truth of the matter is, we are so scared, so determined even that we are accepted for who we are, that we do not give the responding individual time to respond. There are far too many mixed signals, things lost in translation. Yes you are who you are, but you are not a perfect person. I cannot judge you as such, I believe that is God's responsibility and curse as a perfect, omnipotent being. The point is, just talking about it, explaining it, and accepting that it may take time, a lot of patience goes a long way. Just as much as you are imperfect, the other person is also just as imprefect or to some extent even more so.

The crux of the matter, I realise that this is quite a verbal mess and maybe I will be able to refine it in time to come is this, give people a break, be fair to everyone and who knows, you may have saved the friendship.

So here I am writing a post and it has been a good long while since I have written one. For once, I can say I am writing for a good reason, because I felt like it. I didn't need to write one. I didn't need to fulfill some deep desire to rant about people. I am no longer devoid of the necessary guts that would endow any ordinary person the courage to tell people what they truly feel and think. People, I am glad to announce, and I can see you cringing in fear, that I am no longer afraid to tell you what I think.

But what I have to say is this, I beg you people realise this, university is suppose to be a time when we discover who we are, we find out what we like, we found out what kind of people our parents made us but most of all we find out who we want to be. That I would say is the most important thing of all. And this is what I have to say, be the person you want to be. Change things about yourself that you have to the power to change. Let us all try to get through the mess that comprises of our lives in one piece. So for those people out there, with the sticks rammed up their asses, pull it out. It is going to hurt, but you will be happier for it. So those people, who eschew violence, hey its part of life, you cant pretend its not happening, so you might as well face it. For the crux of the issue is this, I don't want to be unhappy, and I am going to do something about it. So I apologise if you get stung or burnt by this new found quest of mine but just know that I didn't mean it.